On Gratitude, Roses and Thorns

Just as it is important to emphasise the strengths and virtues of your personality instead of using a magnifying glass for your weaknesses, it is equally important for your personal growth to focus on all the good and the blessings of your life. Blessed are those who can count their blessings one by one.

What is the point of focusing on the negatives, challenges, or scarcity? Consistently doing this will only result in greater negativity and a feeling of lack, weakness, misery, and unhappiness. What we see the most is what we mostly focus on. And what we focus on is entirely up to us.

So, if we realise through trial and error that this technique is a one-way ticket to never-ending misery, should we instead discover the blessings of gratitude as a mechanism that generates happiness?

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.
- Alphonse Karr

It is a matter of focus

It is most often a function of our focus that determines what we see. In certain respects, life meets our expectations, even if we frequently believe the opposite to be true. Either that, or it is simply a matter of our own perception and attitude toward whatever life throws our way at any given time. If this is true, then there are four types of focus that are split into two pairs of opposites.

What we do and  feel bad and miserable:

• we focus on what we wish we had - but do not. What exactly is this; love, family, or money? Is it friends and a social life that we are lacking? And what about that wonderful car we can't afford? How happy would we be if we had everything we desire but do not have? What a pity, what a loss, and how miserable I am already!

• we fixate on what is bad or bad things happening to us. The error we made in that interview, our misfortune, the car that broke down again, the opportunity we missed ... the list goes on and on. Oh, if all of these bad things didn't happen, we'd be happy. Yes, without a doubt, only then. But what a shame, what a loss, and how sad I already feel to even think about it!

When we focus on either the good things we don't have or the bad things we do have, the filter of negativity can only make us feel worse; the shortage gets amplified, and so does our misery as well.

What  we need to do  to feel good

• We focus on all the good things we have: Health, love, our own people, a car, a house, and indeed our list can be long. Above all, when considering the blessings, we should leave out the most important ones, which are also the ones we usually take for granted.

By turning our attention to whatever good we have, eventually we feel happy, full of gratitude.

• We also focus on the bad - what we could have but do not have (which, however, happens to many others around us) If the house is small, there are those who do not have a single room. If our accident destroyed our car and our pocket, at least we are alive! Isn't that exactly the most important reason to feel relieved and grateful?

When, through the positivity filter, we focus on either the blessings in our lives or the bad things that are not happening to us we can’t but feel good, as the bad shrinks and the good expands, and so do our joy (or relief) and gratefulness.

In fact, it is one of the few instances when focusing on the negatives and challenges of life works positively and in our favour. When we consider all the difficulties that haven't befallen us, we can only feel relief and gratitude. Do we still want to whine about a better house, more money, a better car, or a fancier anything we don't have? Or should we express our heartfelt gratitude to God for other things we don't have, such as poor health, war, a lack of love, and so on? (the list goes on and on)

When it comes to life, the important thing is whether we take things for granted or accept them with gratitude
-Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gratitude is an inner dialogue with ourselves It is, however, beneficial to frequently hear ourselves say out loud, "I am grateful."

Ideally, we should express our gratitude every day because doing so reminds us of all the reasons we should be grateful.

When we are grateful for what we have - or despite what we have - we are essentially multiplying the reasons to be happy and thus grateful. This eternal cycle is not a vicious one; rather, it is divine; a sweet give-and-take with  God.

To find reasons to enjoy life, all it takes is an open heart, faith, and intelligence. Let others postpone it in anticipation of the best that is (?) to come.